How Much Scepticism is Too Much Scepticism?

I recently ran into someone (we will call him Ken) who has been steadily and successfully making changes to his life. Ken reminded me of myself… up until 4 years ago – he was actively sceptical about many things, especially from the world of personal development. In fact Ken spent a lot of time and energy on being sceptical…. I have to say that I am too (still, sometimes)… and I recognise that this can be a double-edged sword… I’ll explain why:

I like to research and seek evidence for much of what people may want me to believe and I certainly don’t just take it at face value. In the past, my research and evaluation would be very much based on gathering information – the line between this and procrastination sometimes becomes very blurred. Now, I still may chose to do some research – and I don’t rely on it. Instead I use my intuition – I can quickly and confidently make reliable decisions.

Having spent a lot of time around the personal development market and a considerable amount of money on things like NLP training, mastery of life courses, coaching etc, I am not a great believer in the ‘magic bullets’ claimed by many. I’ve seen that the majority of people don’t manage to change much or meet their objectives. Change, or transformation as I call it, can be achieved quickly and dramatically. However, it does take a radical change in beliefs, an alignment to your values, plus a new sense of purpose. It also requires a holistic approach… changes to many/most aspects of your life – particularly the energy you are in.

I have personally gained an immense amount from the last 4-5 years of personal development, albeit, I’ve needed to cut through a lot of ‘hype’ – I’ve learned to be discerning and holistic. I have also made an internal journey from being ‘locked’ into my logical (and sceptical) left brain, to also being able to use more of my right brain (creative, intuitive, fearless, trusting but not gullible). True power comes from optimal use of both these aspects of your self.

I realise (now), from personal experience, that too much scepticism holds you back. It creates limiting beliefs that your ego thrives on. This is how I was until the age of 38, when I decided enough was enough and had my first few glimpses of new ways of ‘being’. I know for my own part (and many others that I have worked with) that putting the ego back in its proper place is a massive step forward to breaking out of the ‘small box’ that our comfort zone imprisons us (all) in.

The great danger with scepticism is that – it is our beliefs that shape our destiny and achievements in life. Scepticism shapes our beliefs and feeds our ego which wants to keep us ‘safe’ and therefore stops us from expanding our horizons and achievements.

My experience and new ways of ‘being’ have a major impact on my levels fulfilment and success in life. This in turn has helped me to develop new empowering beliefs. For me, it has been a steady process of change. I know realise that being flexible enough to become discerning rather than sceptical and to affirm positive, empowering beliefs up front, without waiting for hindsight – can truly accelerate the process of empowerment, transformation and enlightenment.

Andy

Can I Overcome Infidelity… an affair?

The bottom line on affairs and infidelity is that they are down to one or most likely both partners not getting their needs met. At a more subtle level there is likely to be a misalignment in each other’s values as well.

As a result, one or most likely both partners are getting their needs met in an unhealthy way – which is what infidelity is. The act of infidelity gets branded as sacrilege against the marriage vows and trust in the relationships – which it is. Yet, in the cold light of day, infidelity is simply one manifestation of getting unfulfilled needs met.

Whilst we do not condone or trivialise infidelity, in many ways, it is a similar response as Contempt, Criticism, Defensiveness and Stonewalling (the four common causes of disconnection in couples), or some of the addictive behaviours that we adopt when we are not happy and seeking external stimulation, such as over eating, drinking, gambling, pornography etc.

When you work on yourself, so that you can meet your needs in healthy way, you climb out of an unhealthy low energy and emotional state, instead rising up into a more empowering state. [See these two links on managing your energy and getting better results). From this new, more healthy perspective, it is possible to show love, understanding and compassion, for yourself and your partner, seeing through their behaviour. From here, anything is possible – including overcoming infidelity.