The bottom line on affairs and infidelity is that they are down to one or most likely both partners not getting their needs met. At a more subtle level there is likely to be a misalignment in each other’s values as well.
As a result, one or most likely both partners are getting their needs met in an unhealthy way – which is what infidelity is. The act of infidelity gets branded as sacrilege against the marriage vows and trust in the relationships – which it is. Yet, in the cold light of day, infidelity is simply one manifestation of getting unfulfilled needs met.
Whilst we do not condone or trivialise infidelity, in many ways, it is a similar response as Contempt, Criticism, Defensiveness and Stonewalling (the four common causes of disconnection in couples), or some of the addictive behaviours that we adopt when we are not happy and seeking external stimulation, such as over eating, drinking, gambling, pornography etc.
When you work on yourself, so that you can meet your needs in healthy way, you climb out of an unhealthy low energy and emotional state, instead rising up into a more empowering state. [See these two links on managing your energy and getting better results). From this new, more healthy perspective, it is possible to show love, understanding and compassion, for yourself and your partner, seeing through their behaviour. From here, anything is possible – including overcoming infidelity.
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