Loving Intimate Connections occur on multiple levels:
1. Physical – visual appeal, tactile, sexual, lust
2. Intellectual – admiration for an/or mutual appreciation of wit, intelligence, knowledge
3. Sense of Humour
4. Emotional – (love or fear based) from the heart, romantic, from a place of self-love
. . . . . vs.
. . . . . co-dependent, fear of being alone, validation
5. Financial – a desire or requirement for equity, contribution or provision/being needed/relied upon.
Can result in a ‘convenient’ relationship, more friends than passionate lovers
6. Passionate – shared hobbies/interests/culture, giving and sharing love and/or intimacy
7. Cultural – shared rules, expectations and beliefs around life and relationships
8. Trust and Respect – can be a healthy mutual respect, or can be an unhealthy ‘on a pedestal’ kind
of respect that is expected and not necessarily deserved or a trust that has been earned.
9. Purpose – shared passion for a vocation/contribution/charitable work. In some couples, the sense
of purpose can become focused on bringing up the children, or a sense of ‘us against the world’.
10. Spiritual – peaceful connection, energetic connection, similar level of emotional maturity and
personal growth
Other less helpful factors that tend to result in unhealthy/temporary attraction and connection include:
A. Proximity
B. Flirtation
C. ‘Forbidden fruit’, risk of being caught spices things up
D. An attraction to power and status
A great lasting relationship will be based on several of the first 10 levels of connection and more than just the physical, which often forms the initial lustful attraction. Too many people, especially women, allow themselves to fall in love (or pretend to) based on an initial attraction that won’t stand the test of time and before establishing the scope for much deeper, lasting attraction on many levels.
The positive and healthy aspects of these 10 levels are often confused with either the less positive aspects, resulting in neediness, co-dependence and unhealthy attachments.
At the office, the other factors A, B, C and D become powerful attractors in the absence of more healthy connections. Seemingly uncomplicated office flirtations and the proximity, are oiled at the office party by alcohol and exuberance.
Wishing you multiple levels of lasting love and connection. Andy