The answer is Love. Now what is the question?

Here’s a couple of extracts from Di’s new book.

How much do you love yourself?

Do you feel that it’s immodest to love yourself?  Could this perhaps be one of the biggest limiting beliefs you hold?

There are two facts about love… the first is that no one can love you more than you love yourself.

The love you create and experience in your life will be in direct relation to the amount you love yourself.  If you do not love yourself, then how can you ever believe that anyone else can love you?  Truly, ask yourself that question, because it will be enlightening for you.  It creates a ‘push/pull’ energy.  You will ‘need’ love from others to make you feel complete, whilst rejecting it at the same time, not understanding what it is about you that there is to love.

The second fact about love, is that it will have a say in how you respond to anything. When life squeezes you, then you will respond with love, compassion and understanding if you are filled to the brim with self-love.  If on the other hand you are filled with bitterness or resentment, then with each person who responds negatively to you, instead of seeing through the eyes of love and understanding, you will see and feel their response as a personal insult, failing to see that they are dealing with their own fears and beliefs which they are projecting onto you.  This is when we choose to take every negative thing on board and allow everyone else to control how we’re going to feel on any given day… this is a very fearful place to be indeed…

Projection

One of the most amazing things is that whatever we’re feeling about someone, we will project onto that person. If you subconsciously don’t like someone, they will sense it very subtly from your eyes, the way you look at them, from your body language, and from something in your energy.  We find it very difficult to feel comfortable in the presence of someone we feel doesn’t like us, yet we’re often not quite sure how or why we know, we just do. 

I remember working with a client whose employees had a grievance against him, and he said to me ‘I’ve no idea why everyone thinks I’m bullying them, because I walk around all day at work with a smile on my face’.  However, the smile was hiding something – his energy was angry, frustrated, it came from his eyes, I felt it from him too.  Yet, trying to explain this is like trying to explain how or why electricity works.  We know it’s there, subconsciously we understand why we connect more with some people than with others, why we relish being around some people and can’t wait to get away from others.

One of the most powerful things I learned when I moved in with Andy was that the way in which he generally expected me to behave, was the way in which I inevitably ended up behaving in his company.  I was naïve to expect that I wouldn’t have to go through some ‘stuff’ after removing myself from a life and identity of 21 years, all my possessions and friends and plonking myself into a brand new life, with very few of my own things around me, into someone else’s home as opposed to my own, and into a brand new life and relationship.  Did I go through stuff… oh yes!  It was like being stripped down and having to start again.  Although I loved myself unconditionally before entering into the relationship with him, no one warns you that you’re going to have to start all over again when you go into a new relationship!  So, Andy would often wake in the morning wondering whether I was feeling good or not, and the moment he looked at me in expectancy of a possible bad mood, it was instantly created.

If on other occasions we went out and something would happen which Andy felt was likely to upset me, he would begin to behave in a manner in which this expectancy flowed from his eyes and it was actually that, not the occurrence, that upset me!  I learned very quickly that my behaviour around Andy generally reflected exactly what he seemed to be thinking about me.   These were such powerful lessons about projection for both of us…

We have now mastered the art of keeping ourselves happy, and allowing the other person to be exactly where they are, without any expectation of behaviour, or by joining the other of us in feeling bad… this is the quickest way to help those around you lift their spirits again. 

I then began to realise that I had also looked at others with expectancy in the past, resulting in my creating in them exactly the behaviour that I didn’t want!  Others would somehow read my expectations towards them in my energy the moment they came into my presence, and would then begin to behave accordingly. Each and every one of us does this regularly, however, the difference was that I began to notice it … and as soon as I noticed it, I realised that I had the power to change it!  My goodness… was I literally creating my relationships with other people simply by what I was focusing on in their behaviour?  Yes, I was! 

This was the biggest learning for me in how to diffuse a situation with love.  If someone is angry at you, or you are expecting angry behaviour from another, the way to help change the energy of the situation is to begin to look at them through the eyes of love.  When people are angry it is because they are struggling with something.  We, however, more often than not choose to see this as a personal insult.  If we choose to be understanding instead, it creates alternative behaviour in others…

So it dawned on me little by little that I was with absolute certainty creating my life with the energy I was emitting.  When I first learned about the Law of Attraction, it taught me that all I had to do was ask for something, believe it was coming and then receive it.  Basically all my thoughts became things… so if I thought about a black Mercedes, then would one inevitably appear in my driveway the following week?  No, most likely not, although a great deal of what I do think about does seem to magically flow to me. I believe that the Law of Attraction works on a much deeper level still.  It is created within our own energy – what we emit, we create.  This applies in relationships (intimate or otherwise), with animals, in job interviews, with sales… you name it!

What we are thinking about, however angry or frustrated we are, we draw like-minded people towards us.  Energy attracts like energy.  Negative people don’t enjoy being around positive people one little bit!  Not unless they’re ready to begin the journey that is… I remember when I first became so excited about positive thinking, my usual group of friends when I had loved moaning and complaining about everything soon began to resent my entering into a room, even saying ‘Oh great, here comes Miss Positive again!’… it was hurtful at the time, but a very necessary and powerful learning for my journey.  As my journey progressed I began projecting that I wanted happiness, I loved being around happy people, and they loved being around me – I had changed.  Our energies no longer matched… and with an understanding of how and why energies attract each other, it all makes perfect sense.

It is for this reason that it is absolutely essential to love yourself fully before entering into a relationship.  If you do, you will attract someone who loves their own company too… if you love your company, your partner certainly will.  Someone who loves themselves would never be attracted to someone they needed to ‘fix’ or someone whose energy drained them.  You may say this happens… but I would disagree.  The self-love would not be from a place of genuine authenticity if so.  For instance, many people take on partners that need ‘fixing’.  Now this is a sign that the ‘fixer’ gains something by ‘fixing’ another, they generally get to feel better about themselves, feel worthy, feel superior… make sense?  So yes, they may say they love themselves, but realistically if they still need this sense of stimulation to feel good about themselves, then how can that possibly be true self-love?…

I am loving this journey… sharing my truth… and saying it exactly as I see it!    ♥♫♪

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